Again

Tadi pagi aku mimpi :(

Dimimpi itu aku buka portal unpar dan liat nilai nilaiku....

Aku menangis.....

Aku masih berada diatas kasurku....

Aku terbangun

Entah mengapa aku bisa memberanikan diriku untuk membuka portal seperti apa yang kulakukan di mimpiku tadi

Runtutan kenyataan dan mimpiku sama......

Aku buka portal unpar

Aku tak sabar melihat nilai ku...

Air mataku mulai turun

Apa yang membuat ku bisa bisanya mengecewakan kedua orangtua ku duakali

Bagaikan keledai bodoh yang jatuh kedalam lubang hitam yang sama berkalikali......

Apabedanya aku dan keledai? 

Perasaan ku tidak bisa ku ungkapkan

Hanya kebingungan dan kegelisahan yang ada

Semua temantemanku meninggalkanku.....

Aku malu....apakah aku sebodoh itu? Atau kah ini memang bukan bidangku?

Apa ini cara Allah menunjukan kepadaku bahwa ini bukan jalanku? Atau Allah menginginkan aku untuk tetap berjuang dan berusaha? 

Tapi mengapa? 

Sakit sekali menerima kenyataan bahwa aku tidak lulus studio lagi

Dan dengan nilai yang hanya kurang 1 demi mencapai nilai kelulusan...

Because almost is never enough

Sadari

Jaman sekarang pengaruh buruk bisa dari mana aja.

Salah satu yang paling kuat adalah media televisi lewat berbagai macam sinetron mulai dari pertukangan yang ga tamat-tamat sampai timbuknya berbagai macam jenis siluman hewan.

Pernahkan kalian menonton sebuah film  series atau FTV yang ceritanya tentang seorang anak muda yang durhaka terhadap orangtua/kakek/nenek/mertua? 

Bagaimana perasaan kalian disaat ada adegan sang anak memaki orang yang lebih tua daripada mereka?Gemes?marah?

Tapi pernahkah terlintas dipikuran kita sebenarnya kita juga terkadang durhaka terhadap orang yang lebih tua daripada kita? 

Mungkin kita memang tidak memukul mereka, menyakiti mereka secara fisik, tapi bagaimana dengan perkataan kita yang kadang tidak bisa dikekang?

Sepatah tolakan, balasan amarah, kata kata yang tidak sopan ataupun pengabaian perkataan mereka

Bagaimana apabila kita berada di posisi mereka? Kita pasti marah bahkan bisa saja menangis 

Orangtua.....

Makhluk tersabar yang berada dimuka bumi ini

Makhluk yang rela melakukan apapun demi kebahagiaan anaknya

Makhluk yang selalu menperjuangkan demi yang terbaik untuk sang anak

Makhluk terbaik yang telah Tuhan kasih untuk mendapingi sang anak

Makhluk tersempurna yang merupakan contoh bagi sang anak

Pantaskah kita telantarkan?

Even though i never tell them how much I love them, even though i havent made them proud of me that much, even though i mostly caused problems to them, even though i never show them how much i care about them, all my prayers goes to them......

Your family is your home, no matter how far you go in the end you'll be back there.

Sickest truth.

Every person has story.

It might be happy or sad.

It might be blessings or lessons.

Then they might wanna share.

Life was no joke.

Even you'll laugh about the saddest thing yet you'll cry over the happiest one.

There's no such thing as 'the same'

Everydetailed things are different. 

Same goes to the main character...it's

US.

We were borned different from each others.

Some can easily share and some can easily keep.

Some people will cry about their story, some might laugh.

Some maybe borned as the speaker and the other was the listener.

The speaker never listen and the listener never speak.

The one.

To fill the emptiness you need someone.

Someone you thought is your soulmate.

The one who you won't let go of.

You'll forget about any other things.

You'll do anything to be the best for him.

You'll struggle everything to make him yours.

You'll jump off the cliff, fly up the sky, dive into ocean to keep him yours. 

They will be there in your heart for 1second.

And then for the next 1 minute.

And then for the next 1 hour.

And then for the next 1 day.

And then for the next 1 week.

And then for the next 1 month.

And then for the next 1 year.

And then for the next 1 decade.

Etc.

But then somehow, somewhere, someday it'll stop in any of those outnumber countless 1......

You'll feel nothing towards him.

You'll stop fighting for him.

You'll regret you've done everything for him.

Feelings may not will forever be yours.

You should be with those who will fill the emptiness.

Someone who will struggle with you.

The one who won't stop until 1 life, cause that's all you've got.

The man who won't promise you anything, but instead he promise your dad to keep you save and sound.

....

I don't know is this some kind of addiction or what.

I always have that feeling which will always come back.

I shouldn't trust love. Because once I got trapped by someone it's so hard to let go even if he decided to leave.

I tend to feel lonely everytime they leave. 

...

I greet him a minute ago.....

I don't know what was there, I just feel like I miss him :(

I've let him go....but I know i still can't. He attract me like a magnetic diamonds.

I don't know what happened but all this lovey dovey ain't happening to me I thought.

It's just me trying real hard to make him like me, altho I know I embarrassed myself:(

This always happen to me everytime I fall hard into someone's heart. I always embarrass myself I'm trying too hard i even ashamed of myself. 

Why boys always leave girls once they got our heart? Why come if you won't stay? And why go if you want us? It's confusing. 

..

I never scared of trying.

Failure didn't scared me.

But failing all over again and didn't made any progress is what i'm scared of.

Everyone puts high hopes in me.

I realize everyone wants the best for me.

I'm not scared of being a fool, i'm just scared of being a dissapointment.

Total embarrassment. 

I just never want to make my family sad. 

I never show them how stressful am I. 

I never tell anybody about my own fear.

I never really show how I feel.

I never trust anyone even my best friends neither family.

I feel so lonely 

I can't share all my pain to anyone except the blank pages.

Only God who knows my worst and my best. 

.

Have you ever feel so lonely? 

Lonely as hell that you might want to greet everyone.

Lonely as hell that you wanna run away somewhere you can be caught in a crowd.

Lonely as hell, even you'll watch the most unrealistic cartoon ever.

Lonely as hell you might even doing things you never ever wanted to do.